how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I did not marry a roomba.
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