Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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