FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
