C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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