I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
