i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
