whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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