a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My vagina is very pro this idea
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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