I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize