I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
