Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize