i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
