It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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