i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
