I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
