You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
