When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
