I am in a vortex of obligation.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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