I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
