my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
this will be a night to untag.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
