still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
