No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
