Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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