Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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