I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
