Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
