Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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