I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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