just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
