Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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