things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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