she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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