When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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