Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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