is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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