When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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