a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
