and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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