you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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