Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
