Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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