Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
