Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
sarcasm needs its own font
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
