But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
then he tried to convert me to islam
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
