ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
