Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
