you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize