they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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