Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
