i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just pee around me
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
