Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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