I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it was like eating out sand paper
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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