Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
