He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i will never coherently bang her
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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