it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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