I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
