there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize