Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
