So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
