So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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