You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
