Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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