you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
