You're my little dorito
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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