So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Randomize
