i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize