where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
