Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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