How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
wow bdsm is so cute
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