I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
