If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
