last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
