I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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