She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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