my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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